It's October, and you know what that means! ZOMBIE AWARENESS MONTH!!!!

That's right, faithful readers. October is Zombie Awareness Month. And because I don't ever want to hear that one of my readers died in a zombie outbreak, I took it upon myself to find some answers for you. I asked the foremost zombie expert in the world, Superman, a few questions to help us all be more prepared.

Why do you think October was chosen as Zombie Awareness month?

I think with Halloween there's a legitimate concern that a person could mistake a real zombie for someone dressed up in a costume. The worst possible scenario would be for a zombie outbreak to occur on Halloween. An outbreak could reach critical levels before anyone even noticed. If people don't know to look for, the results could be catastrophic. Dogs-and-cats-living-together catastrophic.

Zombie Awareness Month was initiated by our last administration, who were ever vigilant of threats. See this video of the press conference where the program was introduced.


What kind of indicators should we be looking for?

It entirely depends on the type of outbreak. Most people don't realize there are multiple zombie types. Symptoms will vary per type, but typically they share same general attributes. They have discolored skin. There will be no response to intelligent or social interaction. They're typically blood-covered and smell like death. And there is almost always a non-stop need to feed. I know what your thinking, 'That sounds like, K-Fed.' Well, you've been warned. Celebrity Fit Club could get pretty interesting this season.

What types of zombies are there?

Currently scientists are working to correctly categorize the types, but keep in mind this is largely academic exercise for people looking for cures or ways to contain the outbreaks. For the normal person looking just to survive there is just one type: the type that wants to eat you. -- similar to ex-girl friends, they may have subtle differences but they are all the same. There are sub-categories: brutes, racers and slow. Slow is your traditional zombie -- alone they are no threat and currently there is even talk is of domestication. How wonderful would that be to have a passive zombie to mow your lawn get the paper. The problem comes when they are in vast numbers. Brutes result from an outbreak that increases rather than decreases physical strength and even alone, brutes should be avoided. Racers are the most dangerous-- they are fast and do not tire. These types can sustain heavy sprint spreads for up to 28 days. Even with PF flyers (Guaranteed to make a kid run faster and jump higher), no human can keep that pace.

Is there a Z1B1 vaccine? Would you recommend people get it?

The government has a vaccine for some strains of outbreaks, though it is considerable different from the vaccine that turns you into a pig. They even have a few cures for zombieism. They are expensive to produce, so their availability is extremely limited. But even if they were widely available I would never recommend them. The vaccine, like all vaccines, will give you the virus, even if only a tiny portion of it. There is a small yet real chance of contracting the disease or worse -- a mutated form of it. Its just not worth the risk, especially when in most scenarios you have to be bitten by a zombie to become infected. For the everyday person a vaccine would only be useful for the very rare possibility of an airborne outbreak. And even in that case, some breathing filtration mask would be much more cost effective and efficient for you. Plus, masks are terribly comfortable I think everyone will be wearing them in the future.

What is the best weapon to use to fight zombies?

Let me be clear about this. Do not fight or attempt to stand your ground if at all possible. I know in the movies is fun to go zombie hunting, but your goal should be escape, not combat. Though even with escape as the goal you will need to be armed. I recommend a pistol-grip 12 gauge shot gun-sawed off of course. Without question it is the superior weapon for zombie defense. Only a precise head shot will kill a zombie and while other rifles and hand guns can do that, you most likely won't have the training or time necessary. If you miss the head you won't even slow the horde down. It has knock down power and the ability to hit more than one target at a time. Like PMS, the sawed-off shotgun is rarely fatal but can derail any advance. Your goal is to blast a path out, not rack up kills. THIS IS REAL LIFE NOT SOME VIDEO GAME. It can also double as a good smash melee weapon. Though melee with a zombie is not preferred. Even if you win, you will most likely come in contact with some of the zombie's blood and can therefore become infected. This is why swords and knifes are heavily frowned upon by experienced zombie fighters.

Almost as important as the shot gun is the rock and roll. You can not effectively kill zombies with out blaring rock and roll music. Anyone who knows anything about zombies knows this.

What should you do if you suspect someone is a zombie? Is trying to save others even worth it?

Well, I can't answer that. It depends on your personal ethical and moral religious beliefs. Only you can decide if you should risk yourself to save others who can not fend for themselves, or if you think the strongest should survive. Will you decide to keep an infected person with you until you find a cure or blow them away with your handy-dandy shotgun? These are hard decisions you may have to face. What I can tell you is that you have better odds of surviving if you are in a group and the more charity and compassion you show has an inversely proportionate relationship to your chances of survival. If you ask me, (which I guess you did), once someone is bit they are no longer your friend, or your grandma, they are zombie. I'd shoot 'em in the face. I'd expect them to do the same for me.

If you suspect someone is a zombie you can test it by attempting intelligent social interaction. If they can't respond to you, then you know. Extra care should be given when testing reality show contestants as they already have limited abilities to intelligently interact.

With Halloween upon us, I want you all to be able to accurately distinguish real zombies from fake zombies.
These are obviously costumes and therefore fake. You can tell by the smiles and the spotty make up job.

This is obviously real. You see the lack of limbs and the ability to horrify you even in black and white. (Note: not all zombies will be in black and white. They bleed red.)

If you can't be sure at least keep them in isolation and contact me or any of your local zombie outbreak offices.

Is there any training offered for us to better protect ourselves?

A quick google search has multiple training tools. This is just one site that I found. Documentaries are produced every year with a great amount of training. You may also want to pick up the zombie survivor guide. This is the offical site for the government's zombie awareness program. They always taking recruits if you've fallen on hard time in this difficult economy.

What kind of precautions should we be taking? Is surrounding ourselves with sick people to sacrifice a good idea, or is it just a threat of a weakened immune system?

The # 1 precaution you should be taking is make a plan. I am always surprised that less than 2 in 10 Americans have a zombie outbreak plan. 2 in 10?! That means more people watch The Biggest Loser every week than have zombie survival plans. It's just silly. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. You need to know before it happens where you are going, what your options are, who you will sacrifice first, etc. Because when it happens there will be panic. Massive panic. Don't count on your ability to make decisions then, or even the officials. (Thought honestly, when can you count on official's decision-making abilities?)

Beyond that, stay in good physical shape, and get some kind of training. You'll find it very helpful.

If your readers have any more specific questions please submit them and I'll have the team review and answer as many as we can. This month especially its important to know. Because

knowing

is half the battle.