Thankful Thursday

* Pack Night went really well last night!

* Pack night is OVER!!!!!

* The ward we combine with finally has new Cubmasters, so it will be someone else's turn to do Pack Night next month!

* It's raining. Pouring. Yay for autumn! (Though I would've preferred a day in the 60s. We went from 88 yesterday to mid 50s today. Yikes!)

* Today is PAYDAY!!!

* I'm going to the chiropractor today!!!!!

* It's Wednesday. That means gLee, Top Model (don't you just love to hate Tyra?!) and So You Think You Can Dance.



Wait. it's Wednesday. Not Thursday.



Pregnancy makes me so stupid.

Whatever. It doesn't have to be Thursday for me to be thankful!!!!

Don't you hate it when..........

........... you've had to clean poop out of your child's underwear, and you wash your hand thoroughly afterward, but 10 minutes later your hands still smell like poo?

........... you choose a specific redbox location to return your rental because you think it'll be the quickest, only to wait in line for ten minutes, then find out the redbox is full?

........... facebook takes F O R E V E R to show what you're typing? (Or is that just my computer?)

........... you spend an entire day on an article for your local newspaper, just to find out it's 3 times too long? Or you submit the same article to an online source, never hear back, then find out they got someone else to write the same article and it SUCKS?! (I am so mad about this one. I can't even think about it because I'm so mad.)

........... you throw up in the middle of the night then have to shower afterwards? Then your children are up at 6:30, one with a disgusting diaper that makes you throw up again? But don't you love a jet-lagged husband who's willing to get up with the kids, feed them, change them, and break up fights till he has to go to work? And don't you love kids that play nicely and let you doze for another hour?

............ you know you need to eat something, but nothing sounds good?

........... you get a bill for something you've already paid?

........... you procrastinate to make your life easier, but end up just making your life harder? And that's a lesson you've learned before, but you can never seem to remember it?

........... there's a massive giveaway where you want everything they're offering, and you have to tell a million people about it to get extra entries? I really don't mind so much. How often do people actually follow giveaway links?!

What I need today:

* a new neck

* a few more hours of sleep

* time to do everything on my list

* someone to do my dishes

* a genie to grant these simple wishes, because I'm pretty sure I won't get any of them otherwise

Note to Self

Dear Self:

Do not cook a pot of tomato soup on high. This is a bad idea in general (medium is hot enough), but do not do this especially when watching Hulu. The lack of commercials will make you forget you've got something on the stove. The soup will boil over, getting your recently and rarely clean stove all dirty. Which will take all the joy out of watching Cougar Town.

Sincerely, Wonder Woman

p.s. Hulu rocks. It really really rocks.

Newsflash: Wonder Woman isn't Superwoman

A few days ago I did a guest post for Laughing at Life's Little Wedgies. Because I'm bit lazy, I'm just going to re-post it here today. Another part of my laziness is the fact that I rarely click on links that others post, and I'm guessing that there are at least a few people out there like me in that regard.

I'm also posting this because the same day it was a guest post, Steph at Diapers and Divinity posted something that corresponded perfectly, but provided more of an answer to the dilemma than my own post did. I'll give you the link, but I'm also going to paste the part of her post I loved the most. (For all you exceptionally lazy bloggers like myself.)

~~~~~~~~~~~

I've never been the kind of person to feel overwhelmed. I'm pretty mellow and easy-going, and I like to think that I handle stress well. Along with that, I've never been the kind of woman who thinks she has to do it all, or be perfect. That God expects me to be perfect. I know He expects me to do my best, and if I'm doing my very best, that's enough. When I hear of women complaining that there's just too much to do and no way to do it all, I think, "Buck up and do your best. What's the problem?"

But lately, that seems to have changed.

When I wake up, the first thing on my mind is the list of things I need to accomplish that day. I sit at the computer catching up on e-mail, eating my cereal and making my to do list. Between the household duties, mommy duties, sister/friend duties, Cubmaster duties, Enrichment duties, and wifely duties, the list has been pretty long of late. Oh, and I'm doing this theater in the park project with a friend that's pretty involved. And I have two little boys, and am 15 weeks pregnant. (Luckily this has been my easiest pregnancy and I've hardly been sick.) Did I mention that one of my kids is potty-training? And the other has entered a very belligerent stage?

Just last Sunday I was cleaning up some pictures the boys had spilled and realized they were pictures from our Gospel Art Kit. The ones we are supposed to be using for Family Home Evening. Do you know how often we have FHE? I'd say it's about once every two months. Which reminded me of how often we have family scripture study. (Even less frequently.) Which reminded me that I hadn't had a personal scripture study in weeks. And I actually had the thought, There's just too much. There's no way to do it all.


I guess that's what I get for judging others.

For a while, I was seriously contemplating talking to my primary president about my husband and I being released from our position as Cubmasters. He's already got another calling, and I've got two more, and we've been Cubmasters for about 2 years. But we got a new primary presidency and I decided it could wait a few weeks. Then I went to a training meeting and learned once again that our leaders, even Scout leaders, are inspired.

The topic for our breakout discussion was "Cubmasters don't do everything. Breakdown what you are supposed to do, and what you are supposed to delegate."

Like I said, that woman was inspired.

So I'm trying to be better at delegating. And saying "no." It's been hard to put into practice. Most of the things I'm asked to do I either want to do, or I feel they're my responsibility. Then there are all the things (calling-related and otherwise) that simply don't get done unless I do them. But I'm getting better. I'm discovering new methods that are working for me.

Of course, it's a constant evolution. I've started giving myself frequent deadlines for little tasks, just so I can get them done. It works about half the time. But because I'm a chronic procrastinator, some things just don't get done. I go from feeling productive and giving myself a pat on the back to feeling like I'll never get on top of things. I start thinking about the things I'm falling behind on. Then I think about the things that weren't even on the list but should've been. And I just get so overwhelmed I don't want to do anything. I waste time for the rest of the day, then go to bed thinking about all that I now I have to do tomorrow because I didn't do it today.

I have crazy-but-telling dreams, then wake up thinking about all I have to do.

I guess the point is, I still don't have it figured out. I try my best, but now it seems my best isn't good enough. I let that stop me from trying harder to be a little better. (Don't you miss President Hinckley?) When did all this happen? And more importantly, what in the world can I do about it?

I'm one of those lucky ladies who lives in a place where LDS music is broadcast on a local station each Sunday. I haven't always lived here, so it's not something I take for granted. I heard a lyric today that struck me in a new way. The line was, "If any of you feel burdened/Let him ask of God."

I've always known that the Savior is there to comfort and take your yoke upon Him, and whatnot. But I never felt like I needed that. Not that Christ wouldn't be able to help, but that I was pretty strong and doing just fine. Maybe if I ever had to go through something really hard, I would need Him in that way.

But right now, I feel burdened. And there's no qualifier to Christ being there to succor us, and help us. We don't have to have just lost our spouse or child for the Lord to strengthen us and help bear our burdens. And we don't have to read our scriptures for 30 minutes before the kids wake up for God to hear our prayers. And answer them.

So if you'll excuse me, I've got Someone I need to talk to.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Steph's post echoed my own, if much more eloquently. She knows God doesn't expect her to do it all, but she still wants to be the best person she can be. And the list of things to do to be that person only seems to grow and grow. It weighs on her, and turns into guilt.

She was (recently?) able to attend a fireside hosted by Sister Julie Beck. Steph asked her a question in the Q&A portion -- essentially, "What role should guilt play in an LDS woman's life?"

She then gave a list of answers Sister Beck provided, which are direct answers to prayer for me.

• Any thought that tells you “You are not good enough” is from Satan. If the thought tells you “You can do better, and I’ll help you,” it is from Heavenly Father
• There will never be enough of you to do all your heart wants to do.
• Pray, eliminate your distractions, and follow the Spirit.
• We impose things on ourselves that the Lord would never impose.
• Be an example of joyful gospel living.
• Beg for miracles every morning. Recognize and give thanks for them every night.
• Navigate this experience you’ve been given with dignity, faith, hope and charity.
• She recommended a three-column to-do list every day: #1) The essentials (short list of things that are eternally important: Pray, read scriptures, maybe some days the list will include temple or service or family time), #2) Should do (feed children, clean clothes, go to work, etc.), #3) Nice to do (wish list). Whatever you do, make sure the essentials happen, and work hard on your should list, and you’ll be surprised how often you get around to things on your “nice to do” list. She also said that women cannot work all three shifts in a day. We can do one well, one pretty well, and we need one shift to rest and take care of ourselves. She recommended deciding which shift was the most important time of the day when we need to be at our very best (for her it was the afternoon into the evening when kids came home from school and prepared for bed, etc.), and then use the other shifts to help us prepare for and get ready for the important shift (maybe prepare dinner in the morning, rest well at night, etc.).
• Women are leaders. “Influence is ultimate leadership.”

Isn't that just the best list ever?!

I'm particularly a fan of the 3-column to-do list. I've already made one for today. But I need to edit it. I had forgotten Sister Beck's emphasis on a short "must do" list. And the "should do" list doesn't need multiple church assignments on it. The point of these lists is to get us to prioritze properly. If we have household chores on our must do list, then there's a chance that we'll do them before we read our scriptures. Then suddenly it's the end of the day and you haven't read your scriptures and you're too tired to get anything out of it even if you tried, and the guilt sets in.

I'm really excited about this list idea. I think I will be much more productive, and much happier. Another thing I need to work on: blogging shouldn't ever be on my list. It should be the reward for getting it all done.

Sister Beck's suggestions just make me even more excited for this weekend. Saturday evening is the General Relief Society Broadcast. I'm sure it's going to be a wonderful broadcast.

What are your thoughts on the matter? How do you handle feeling overwhelmed? Do you struggle with guilt? What works for you?

While I'm on the subject of dreams.......

.......almost 4 months ago I mentioned something in a post about a dream I had. Instead of linking, I'll just copy and paste for you.

Do you ever read Terresa at the Chocolate Chip Waffle? I'm a new reader, and I'm in love. She's a fantastic writer (she did the postpartum depression piece on MMB) and is honestly one of those women that I wonder if I'd be cool enough for in real life. Yesterday, she did a post about home-birthing. Personally, this is something I would've never consider doing, but reading her post made me seriously think twice about it.

I guess it was on my mind as I went to bed, because I dreamt about giving birth last night. Some of the details are fuzzy, but others are crystal-clear. First of all, I wasn't the one pregnant. It was a friend of mine from church, though in real life she's not pregnant -- she has a 1 y/o son. We were on a beach and Superman was there with us. Suddenly, she was in labor and the baby was coming fast. I realized she'd have to give birth right there on the beach. I sat on a log and she sat/squatted between my legs. I was bracing her and holding her hands. Then I could see her belly move and knew a contraction was starting. I told her to bear down and push. This happened one other time, then I saw her skirt starting to move. I told Superman to take my place -- I had to catch the baby.

When I looked under her skirt, the baby's head was already out. I knew the rest of the body would just slip out, so I tried to gently pull on the baby to get it out. Didn't work. I told her to push just a little bit again. Out the baby came. It wasn't covered in goop like it would normally be. It was just a beautiful baby. I held it for a moment, then realized I should probably give the baby to its mother. I was about to say, "It's a girl," but realized I didn't know for sure. I pulled back the blanket (I don't know where it came from) and sure enough, there were no little boy parts. In the back of my mind I knew the baby should have had blood and fluid on it, and that she needed to birth the placenta. But I didn't want to deal with all that, I guess, and so it didn't happen in my dream.

I remember feeling so peaceful and empowered afterwards -- I had just helped a woman give birth!

Now, here's why I'm bringing this up again. First of all, I had this dream right around the time I got pregnant. That's a bit coincidental, huh? Secondly, the woman who gave birth is the woman who is starting a Theater in the Park project here in my town. And I'm her assistant director. I wrote an article for the local papers last week, and our auditions are this week. That dream was almost prophetic. It was two months later that she got the idea for the program, and I volunteered to help her.

Isn't that crazy?!

Set your tuning fork

One of my favorite things about blogging is the way it makes me a better mother. I take note of the funny, sweet things my kids do because I've seen other bloggers do it. I record those memories because I know from other bloggers how quickly the time goes. One blog in particular that has shaped me into a better mother is Laughing at Life's Little Wedgies. (Isn't that just the coolest title?!) She writes about family traditions. And little miracles. And things she loves about motherhood. And details she wants to remember about her kids. She's completely infatuated with her husband, which I think is stupendous. If she didn't live 12 hours away, I think we could be pretty great friends. Our sons would get along quite smashingly.

Every Tuesday, this trublubyu fan Stephanie hosts "Tune in Tuesday," where she features a guest poster. And guess who the guest today? Yours truly! This is the first time I've ever guest posted and I was beyond flattered. I've officially arrived in blogland.

So head on over and check it out! Take a look around at some of her posts. I promise you won't be disappointed. She's seriously one of my favorite bloggers.

Pregnancy dreams are crazy, but they can still mean something

One of my favorite things about being pregnant is the vivid dreams I have. It's far out of the norm for me and so it's exciting.

I had quite a dream the other night. It came at the end of a crazy day. I had a billion things to do but only two of them got done. Our enrichment activity was a potluck, and I was still seasoning my soup when the activity was starting. Superman had some things come up that kept him later at work, so I was forced to bring my kids. Who of course were ornery and dirty and without shoes.

Superman came and picked up the boys as soon as he could, and took them to get some chicken nuggets and ice cream for dinner.

Which I think is the root of my dream.

In my dream, I was at Wendy's with my mom and a good friend. My mom was going to order for us, but by the time we were ready to place our order, she wasn't there, so I had to order for us. I ordered a chili with onions for my mom, and it rang up at $2.00. I said to the cashier, "Extra onions are a dollar?" He was like, "Oh. Yeah. My bad," and changed it. I ordered a chili with cheese for me, a small fry, and two Frosty's. Just as the cashier was telling me what the total was, my friend asked if I could get something for her. I told her I really didn't have the extra money for it. (I knew that she had the money.) I handed my debit card to the cashier while we were talking, not paying attention to what the total was.

He handed me my receipt and I saw that he had charged me nearly $30! What the what?!

He had already started taking the next order, so we went to find a table and wait for them to call our number.

My mom had gotten a table for us, so we sat down. I started in how much they had charged me. There were charges on their for an "awards fee," and all kinds of other fees and taxes that were just ridiculous.

Of course, by this time, there was a huge line. I didn't care. I went right up to the register and started questioning all the charges. An "awards" charge? If Wendy's got an award, why was I being charged for it?

But no one listened to me. After a few minutes, I just quit and went back to eat my chili.

Only the chili wasn't there. We hadn't got our food yet.

So I went back up to the counter, only to the side where they actually serve the food. (I told you this was vivid!) I told the lady that we'd been waiting for 15 minutes for our food. Again, no one really paid attention to me. I stood there and watched them work for another 10 minutes. They were horribly inefficient. Writing orders down by hand, not working as a team, lazy people just standing around, and all kinds of health code violations. There were even 2 pregnant workers who were smoking cigarettes in between getting fries for customers.

It had been like 45 minutes and I decided that it just wasn't worth it. I turned back to my mom and friend to see them eating their lunches! I was really confused for a second, then realized that the food they were eating wasn't the food we had ordered! They were eating some one else's chicken tenders!

At that point, I went into a little closet and hid. Suddenly I was good friends with one of the managers and we just sat in our little dark closet and talked about how horrible things were.


Crazy, huh?


I'm pretty sure I know where it all came from, though.

Finances are kinda stressful for me, and I'm not afraid to question when I think I'm not being charged correctly for something. Wendy's has a lot of their value menu items at a dollar right now, and I knew the guy wasn't giving me the advertised price. (That actually happened a week ago. I asked if the chili was supposed to be a dollar and they said it wasn't. But the radio ads say differently......whatever.)

There are times I feel like people ask me for things I really can't afford to give. Not money-wise, necessarily, but time-wise. (My friend asking me to buy her lunch.)

We've had expenses pop up recently and more often than not, we pay for them from my part of the budget, because that's where there's room to give. No matter how much I haggle over little fees, I still end up paying for things I didn't plan on. (Being charged $30 for a $5 meal.)

I feel like I have a million things to do, but nothing gets done. (I never get my chili.) (And I really like chili.)

It seems like there are a ton of pregnant women right now that I know. Bloggers, facebook friends, family members..... Even the neighbors on both sides of me are pregnant. And one of them still smokes. (Multiple knocked-up smokers behind the counter.) While it's fun to have other pregnant women to commiserate with, sometimes it takes the special-ness out of your own pregnancy.

I feel like my family and friends just have to make do with all that I DON'T do. (They were eating chicken strips because I couldn't get their lunch.)

So I turn to people I barely know on the internet and take them as my confidants. (We're talking in a closet right now. You didn't know that?)

So. What have YOU been dreamin' about lately, friend? Do you have vivid dreams? Are they essentially random, or do they hold meaning for you?

I'm not usually this whiney, I swear. But without Superman to vent to, my blog bears the brunt of it. Sorry!! And I'm doing god right now. We've got plans for the day, and the weather is gorgeous. Monday is going to be fantastic!

To answer my own question

While Superman's in Ireland this week, my life will probably be something like this:

* Try desperately to set up fun activities everyday to keep us occupied, only to find all friends busy or unresponsive by phone/facebook/text/e-mail/any of the 1000s of ways we have to get in touch with each other nowadays

* Only clean the part of the house visible by web-cam so as to fool Superman into thinking I'm keeping the house clean

* Buy an extra gallon of milk by the end of week because we've eaten so much cereal

* Shower once, maybe twice. Shave only on Saturday when Superman's coming home.

* Try to find babysitters for all the appointments I have this week, only to come up short and have to either cancel or bring the kidlets (because that's SO much fun!)

* Find humor in the fact that my homebody husband has been to Taiwan, Germany, Italy, and now Ireland, while the farthest I've been from home is Seattle. I've never even been to Canada or Mexico! For that matter, I've never even got a passport!! Though I suppose I should probably get one. You never know when you'll need to run from crazy people who want to take your liver. Among other things.

* Put the kids to bed by 7 in order to preserve sanity and lives (though it may be too late for my sanity....)

* Blog a LOT because I have no adults to talk to

* Stay up as late as possible so I don't lay in bed alone, missing Superman even more than I thought I would

Inquiring minds want to know.......

What's your life like when your husband's out of town?

Sweet Escape tag

one more time, picture style

except the pictures are huge. I copied the locations instead of the pictures, and I can't shrink the pics. sorry.

1. If you could escape to anywhere in the world where would it be?



2. What song do you play when you are by yourself in the car?

(seriously, I'm not just kissing up, Sherrie baby)

3. If you had a night to yourself, and money was no object, what would you do?

without hesitation

4. What is your guilty pleasure?



5. What is the farthest place you have traveled away from your home?



6. Last book that you couldn't put down?

(highly recommend this author)

7. When you want to escape into another time, what movie do you watch?



8. What is your favorite local escape?


9. How do you escape on a budget?



10. Best food you've ever had while on vacation?

(courtesy of Grandma's kitchen. And Grandma's house is always a vacation)

I haven't seen many tags recently, but this has popped up a few places and sounded like fun. I tag you if you want to play!

Little boys, little boys. Watcha gonna do when the talk to you?

"Mom, my boogers are coming out."

"I'm the mom. I'm smart. I'm authorized to make those kinds of decisions."

"Sorry, Charlie."
"My name's not CHARLIE!!!!!!!"

"He's the mom, and I'm the honey."

"Mooooom! Can you help me go poo poo?"

"No, baby. Only you can go poo poo." (I felt kinda like Smokey the Bear.)

"It's up slide down!"

"Mom, I'm firsty (thirsty). I wanna banana."
"We don't have any bananas, sweetheart."
"You got to buy some more at Wal-mart! Get off the chair!"

"I want flosted fakes."

"Those are not my only options! You are not listening to me! When you don't listen to me, you made me sad! If I go to bed, I'm NOT gonna grow BIG!"

"Mom, you crack me up."

"Ohhhh, she's crying!. . . Now she's not crying! . . . Now she's crying again!"
"Yes, she is. Jillian makes lots of people cry." (We were watching The Biggest Loser.)

"I love you Mommy!"
"I love you, too, sweet boy"
"I love you a lotta lotta this much more!"

Hulk still doesn't enunciate perfectly. He turns "g" into "d." It make words like "gramma" and "graham cracker" particularly fun.

These little boys bring me endless joy, even when they frustrate me.
I love you, Yoda and Ninja Pirate.

My apologies, m'dear

I can't believe how long it's taking me to chronicle "our story." I knew it was long, but I didn't know I'd start experiencing serious computer issues as soon as I started posting it. Our computer has been completely dead since Saturday. We had a friend who was able to fix and restore everything last night, for which I am SO GRATEFUL. But I had an entire 3-day weekend with nothing planned (not even meetings on Sunday!) and was unable to blog. Totally lame.

But my computer's back in full working order now, so I should be able to conclude the story within the next few days. Really. At least I hope. Thanks for sticking with me. I realize that at this point, I'm writing it more for me than for my readers, because I need to have this all recorded. Yes, it's in my journals, but my journals, unfortunately, do not tell the entire story.

I will continue with the story shortly.


p.s. Heartburn sucks. It really really sucks.

Our Story -- The Friendship

It was 1999 and I had a crush. A big time crush. I was 15, and that's the only kind of crush I knew how to have. I was crushin' on this cute boy, "Mark." He was kind of shy, but so adorable. We slowly built a friendship, based mostly on the fact that we had a "song" we'd dance to at the stake dances. (Yes, this is the boy that one of my most embarrassing moments is centered around.) (And yes, I went to stake dances. RELIGIOUSLY. I grew up in Kansas and it was the only place to hang out with other Mormons.)

I had liked Mark for well over a year. He lived an hour and a half away from me, so we only saw each other at the dances. We also exchanged brief e-mails. But I was gone on this boy.

In the midst of going to the stake dances that summer, there was another boy that was impossible to ignore. He always wore a suit to the dances -- he was the only boy to do that. He'd also bring sunglasses.

So he could do the Men in Black dance when the song was played.

(Me, Kate, Lucas, and "Mr. Personality" doing the Men in Black dance at a birthday party.)

He knew it all. He'd lip-synch the whole thing while he did the moves. Everyone at the dance would gather in a big circle to watch and dance along. He was the life of the party. He knew how to swing dance really well. He never sat out a dance, but never asked a girl to dance, either. They all asked him. (This was part of the reason I didn't know him very well -- I wasn't big on asking guys to dance, unless they weren't dancing. I still have this thing in my personality where I don't like seeing people left out. And I was a little too proud to ask somone like Mr. Personality to dance. If he wanted to dance with me, he was going to have to ask.)

Anyway.......after all the dances, we'd head to an ice cream shop close by to continue hanging out. Sometimes my crush Mark was there, but often he wasn't because they had such a long drive home. Mr. Personality was always there, though, and we started to get to know one another. He was so much fun -- just hilarious to be around, and we got along really well.

After a few months, he decided to take the plunge. He asked for my e-mail address after one dance, then e-mailed me the next day, asking me to his homecoming. I would have happily gone, but I wasn't 16 yet. I had about a month till my birthday. When I told him that, he was so embarrassed. He said he had no idea I wasn't 16 yet and wouldn't have asked if he had known. I told him I'd love to go out with him after my birthday, but wouldn't be able to go to his homecoming.

A month later, I turned 16. We had a huge party -- there were probably about 20 of my friends there, Mr. Personality among them. (He was actually voted Mr. Personality in his high school, so the nickname fits.) We had a blast that night. My parents took a bunch of pictures and several group shots.

There were like 20 people in attendance. Mark is the one who's got white eyes. Not the best picture of him, but he was really cute.

I love this one. You can almost see the sparks flying.

A few weeks later, some mutal friends of our started casually dating. I mentioned to my friend that she should try to set up a double date. Which she did. But the night of our date, she told me Mr. Personality wouldn't be able to make it -- he had already made plans he had forgot about or something. I was bummed (this was going to be my first date) but didn't let it bother me too much. Since I had already planned to spend the night at my friend's house after the date, I asked if she minded if I went with her and her date. We were all friends, and she was fine with it.

When her date came to pick her up, we were shocked to see Mr. Personality with him!! And he was just as shocked to see me! He cancelled his other plans last minute so he'd be able to go out with me. I was thrilled. (I should mention that my "crush," Mark, wasn't 16 yet. I knew he wouldn't be my first date.)

We had the best night. We joked and flirted all night. We made a divider of paper towels and duct tape in the car to give our friends up front some "privacy." He told me he'd give me his Camaro if he died. (How sweet!) We went to IHOP for dinner. (I know -- SO classy!) We made the syrup dispensers talk to one another. We went back to my friend's house and watched The Mummy midst a pillow fight and tickling.

It was just a fantastic night. Definitely a great first date.

Over the next few months, we became really good friends. We hung out several more times, always with a bunch of friends. By February, I considered him one of my closest friends, though I still maintained that Mark was my crush. Mr. Personality made it clear that he really liked me, but it was never awkward. We both went out with other people frequently.

Also by this time, our mothers had met and become best friends. Well, more than best friends. Bosom buddies. Soul sistahs. Bestest friends forever and ever. They still are.

April came around -- prom season. Mr. Personality was asked to SIX proms. Well, I think he was actually invited to 8, but only able to attend 6. I was only a sophomore, so I didn't get to attend my school's prom. And at Mr. Personality's school, you could only attend if you were a junior or senior -- PERIOD. Even if you were invited by a member of their student body, you still had to be a junior or senior. They'd call your own high school and check. (Isn't that ridiculous?!) But Mark went to a small school and the entire student body was invited to prom. He was 16 by then, and asked me to go with him.

I was SO EXCITED!!! It was going to be our first date, and PROM!!! My 16-year-old heart could barely contain my excitement. Mark had an older sister (hi!!) who was a friend of Mr. Personality's and asked him to go with her. We all doubled.

Now, you'd think this would be slightly awkward. Mr. Personality had a crush on me, but he was so cool about it. He was the life of the party (as always) and showed his date a great time. The night was a smashing success.

In the midst of prom season, I'd tease Mr. Personality a lot about not taking me to his prom. I knew it wasn't his fault, but I couldn't resist teasing him about it. He told me he'd give his left kidney to be able to take me to prom -- that it was looking less and less important all the time. Just funny things that like to let me know he really did wish he could take me.

A few weeks after going to prom with Mark, we had a stake dance. By this time, I was having conflicting feelings about Mark and Mr. Personality, but didn't want to admit it. I felt guilty about liking Mr. Personality, when I felt like I was committed to Mark. (Which I wasn't. We had been on ONE date. And had never had any kind of talk about our "relationship.") But I'm an intensely loyal person, and I felt guilty all the same. I also felt like our "relationship" was at a different level after prom. (Which it wasn't. Again, I was SIXTEEN, people. That's the only excuse I have.)

Anyway...........the stake dance. Mark and I danced to our song, and another song. (Twice as much as we normally did. He was really good about asking lots of girls to dance and tried not to dance with the same girl more than once. See? He was a good guy!) Then it was time for the last dance. I assumed we would dance together. Mark was even walking towards me, but then another girl asked him to dance. He accepted. And I was furious. FURIOUS I tell you!!! Didn't he know he was supposed to say no?! I couldn't believe he'd been so rude to me. THE NERVE. I gaped for a moment, then quickly turned and walked away.

After stewing about it for a day or two, I realized I had over-reacted. I felt like an idiot. I sent him an e-mail saying I wasn't mad anymore, and apologizing for being so dumb about the whole thing. He could dance with whomever he wanted.

I hit send, then immediately regretted it. I should've just let it go! He might not have realized that I had even been mad about it. But it was already sent -- there was nothing I could do.

The next day, he had replied. He told me I shouldn't have been mad. He had danced with me twice that night -- more than any other girl -- and he didn't want people to think we were an item. He said that there were other girls he might like and didn't want to date or dance with just one person. (WHAT?! Other girls he might LIKE?! WHAT?!?!?) Plus, he had danced with me a lot at prom -- didn't that count for anything?

Well. This e-mail was a wake-up call for me. I realized that Mr. Personality liked me more than Mark. And that Mr. Personality and I got along much better. Our personalities clicked in such a special way. And by that point, he and I were really good friends.

I realized I actually like Mr. Personality back. And I was ready to do something about it.

Stay tuned for part two -- The Summer of 2000. I will repost it tomorrow, or you can click on the link if you're just DYING to read more. Also, it's on my sidebar. Just be warned that it spans 3 years and is not brief!

Our Story -- The Summer of 2000 aka The Summer of LOVE

For part one of our story, click here.

Over the next week or so, I let Superman know in little ways that I really liked him. (That's actually what my journal says. I'm not sure exactly what I did -- probably just took the flirting to a whole 'nother level.) Since our moms were becoming good friends, we did a lot together as families. We went to his sister's softball game, then they came to our house for dinner. My brother and I would go to his Mutual night. Superman and his friend would come over to my house and make cookies with me on Sundays. (Superman would wear my little brother's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle apron.)

Along with our moms being good friends, my brother Alex, who's a little over a year younger than me, became good friends with one of Superman's sisters. He had twin sisters 2 years younger than him, which made them my age. Alex and Nikki became close friends, and after a few weeks, Kelli (the other twin) and I became good friends. She's my best friend to this day.

In short, we made it a family affair.

So by the time I realized I liked Superman, it was close to the end of my sophomore year, and he was graduating. We went out on a few more double dates with friends, but mostly continued to hang out in a group.

The Summer of 2000 was.........magical. It really was. Just the words "Summer of 2000" make me grin ridiculously. I know I'm not going to be able to adequately describe the complete awesomeness of the Summer of 2000, but I'll try.

My parent's house is built for entertaining. They have a massive living room with a big fireplace, and on the other side of the fireplace is the kitchen -- complete with an indoor grill. The basement held my bedroom and the family room. The family room has a pool table. And a wet bar. We didn't use that for the intended purpose, but we still made good use out of it. Oh, and the backyard has a pool.

Needless to say, my house was party central in the Summer of 2000.

Every other day was a pool party. When we were done swimming, we'd play pool downstairs. When we got thirsty, we'd make a "beer run." We would buy IBC cream soda in the glass bottles because it looked like beer. Then we'd come up and use the wet bar, pretending to be bartenders. We'd watch cult classic movies at night -- The Princess Bride, Ghostbusters, etc. and quote the night away. We'd listen to classic 80s/90s music -- Summer of '69 kind of became a theme for summer. Come on, Eileen was another fave, as was Jesse's Girl. Once when my mom was braiding my hair, Superman started singing, "I wish that I could do / Alyssa's hair! / Where can I get a brush like that?" and made up the verses as he went. Faith Hill's The Way You Love Me came out then, too, and Superman changed the words to it as well. "Oooh, I love the way I, LOVE the way I LOVE ME! There's no where else I'd rather RATHER RATHER RATHER!!!" he'd shriek with the backup singers. He's never liked country music, but I really liked it at the time, so he'd always turn the radio to country stations when we were driving together, and make fun of all the songs. This turned him loving himself so much into a big joke. If his mom or sisters ever said they loved him, he'd say, "I love me, too!"

There were a ton of people we hung out with that summer. Honestly, it was a rotating group of 10-20 at every gathering. We hung out at Superman's house a lot, too. They lived on a lake, which provided endless hours of entertainment. There was also a water tower a few hundred feet from their house. If we stayed up late enough, the lake patrol would stop and we'd climb the water tower. (It wasn't that high, and one of those flat top ones, not with a big dome on top. We were crazy, but we're weren't high.)

The song "Kryptonite" came out that summer, and was an obvious fave since it was about Superman. (That's not just his blog name, but a hero he grew up idolizing. I didn't choose the name just because I think he's awesome, even thought I do.) Anyway. All the guys made up "the guy dance" to the song Kryptonite. They'd start in a line with their backs turned, and as the song progressed, turn around one by one, doing this jerky thing with their arms, up and down and to the sides. (I wish I had video of it upload. I have picture, but no scanner!)

We'd go to the park and feed the geese. Or play "Marco Polo" on the playground equipment late at night. (Except we actually called it "Captain Moroni." What nerds!!) One of our friends worked at a drive-in that we went to a few times. Superman and I lived 45 minutes apart, so we always had long car-rides to talk and get to know one another and have fun with everyone in the car. We'd play sardines in my neighborhood and red rover in my front yard. Once we got a big group together and taught each other swing-dancing moves all night. Another time I was having a big slumber party that Superman and his friend decided to crash. They ended up wearing make-up, and I think Superman is still kind of scarred from the experience. Sundays were always fun. With church getting out at noon, we had the rest of the day to hang out. Usually people would just come over and we'd make cookies and hang out. It seemed there was almost always a fireside of some kind to attend, then we'd hang out more afterward.

(Are you starting to get an idea of how massively FUN this summer was?!)

Superman and I went on dates with other people throughout the summer, but we didn't like anyone else the way we liked each other. We just had this connection we couldn't ignore. We could tease and tease and tease like I'd never done before. There always seemed to be some kind of witty banter, or inside joke we were referring to. But while we liked each other a lot, we didn't have blinders on to the people around us. We all became really good friends, and (as far as I know) no one felt uncomfortable around Superman and I. We were never the couple to be all over each other, or jealous if the other was talking to a member of the opposite sex. We were just really good friends who happened to like each other, too.

The summer also held fantastic spiritual feasts for me. Youth Conference was incredible. I went to my first year of EFY, which changed my life. In June we took a temple trip down to the Dallas, TX temple. July held the dedication of the Oklahoma City temple, and the youth from our stake were assigned a day of service for it.

One of the things that's always been so special about mine and Superman's relationship is our ability to discuss things of a spiritual nature. The man is a spiritual giant. He was even at 18. He took seminary and preparing for a mission seriously. It's always been one of the things I loved most about him. He had answers for every question I had, and we had a lot of mature, gospel-centered discussions.

The temple trip we took consisted of my mom, Superman's mom, he and I, his best friend Steve, my brother Alex, and our friend Kate. At the time, the closest temple to us in Wichita was in Dallas, a 6-hour drive. Superman's mom had done some genealogy and so we had some names to take to the temple. We spent about 7 hours in the temple that day, with them just fitting us in when they could between larger group sessions.

We had terrific gospel discussions in the car rides to and from the temple. At one point, Superman and I were in the back of van, just talking and teasing like normal. Our moms were up front talking, and suddenly got kind of quiet and were whispering and giggling. (Like a couple of school girls, they were.) Superman said, "Hey! You guys aren't naming grandchildren up there, are you?"

To which the moms busted up laughing. They had, in fact, just been saying that they should start thinking of names for our children, then started giggling at how ridiculous the idea was. Which was when Superman asked if they'd been naming grandchildren. ("The moms," as they are affectionately known, have always been major advocates of our relationship!)

Our relationship continued to grow over the summer. We cemented our friendship, and our feelings for each other only became stronger. Because we were almost always in a group, keeping physical contact to a minimum was easy. We only ever held hands. We were very much aware of the future -- Superman would be going to BASIC training and AIT in the fall, then on his mission after that. We wanted nothing we did to get in the way of his mission. We were also hesitant to take our relationship to a more serious level because of the separation that would be coming.

But.......once those feelings start, they're hard to stop. Just like it took me a long time to realize that I liked Superman, it took me a long time to realize that I loved him. He knew he loved me before I knew I loved him, but he wasn't about to admit it. We'd vaguely refer to it in different ways. Superman's all-time favorite movie is The Princess Bride, and by the end of the summer we say, "As you wish," when we hugged goodbye. Or "I as-you-wish you!"

By the end of the summer, I knew I loved him. I wanted to say it. But I didn't want to be first. I also wanted to kiss him. We had been "dating" since the beginning of May, and we still hadn't kissed by August. And he was leaving for Basic training on August 15th. If he was gonna do it, he'd better do it fast!

About a week before he left for Basic, he made his move. I was about to leave my house to go to work. I came out of my bedroom, and Superman was standing by our computer. He clicked something, and our song, "Everything I Do," started playing. He asked me to dance.

We talked a little bit during the song, but not a whole lot. Every now and then he'd whisper along with words to the song. There's no love like your love....There's no where, unless you're there.....

Then came the climax of the song: I'd fight for you, I'd lie for you, walk the wire for you....

He looked into my eyes and said, "I'd die for you." Then he took my face in his hands and kissed me so sweetly.

{Swoon!}


I can't even tell you how giddy I was for the next several hours. And days.

A few days later, we were IMing, teasing back and forth. I have the transcript of the entire conversation, but I'll just post the pertinent part.

Superman: Do you know how much I like you?
Wonder Woman: I think I have a pretty good idea!
S: How much do you like me on a scale of 1-20?
WW: like a.........103
S: And how much do you think I like you on the same scale?
WW: like a 102
S: Close. I love you.
S: You are just so cool.
WW: Do you know how close I've come to telling you the same thing within the last month?
S: that I'm cool?
WW: No, you know exactly what I mean! I love you!


So we are true children of the new millenium -- our first "I love you's" were said via the internet.

Two days later, Superman left for 4 months for BASIC training and AIT. I was a complete and utter mess, seeing as how we had JUST confessed our love for one another and now he was leaving, but it was okay. Because we were in LOVE. And we were both admitting it.

Stay tuned for part three -- Separation

p.s. I've wanted to blog "our story" for sometime, but never has because it's so long! I keep trying to edit it down, but I don't want to short-change our story and all that brought us together. I hope to not have such a large gaps between posts from now on, but there's just so much that it takes me a day or two to write it all. Thanks for sticking with me!

Our Story -- The Separation

Read parts 1 & 2 of our story here.

Superman left for BASIC training and AIT mid-August, 2000. It was one week after our first kiss, and mere days after our first "I love you's." He was going to be gone till just before Christmas.

Those first few days, I was a MESS. One big blubbering, snotty mess. I was officially in love, and the guy was gone. Not only was he gone, but he didn't know when we'd ever be able to talk on the phone, or when he'd even be able to write. It was a long couple of weeks.

But eventually, he was able to write. And even call on occasion. I have quite a stash of sweet letters from those months. Honestly, I think the separation was really good for our relationship. Just as we started to get serious and "physical," we weren't able to be physical. We were able to continue building our friendship and romance without having to worry about kissing too much.

Because he was training to be a military policeman in the Army Reserves, he went to Basic at Fort Leonardwood, MO, a mere 5 hours from my home. We took a joint family trip to see him over Thanksgiving break -- his family and mine. (Remember -- moms that are besties, me and his sis were besties, my bro and his other sis were besties -- it just made sense.) We were only there for the weekend, but it was great. Seeing him was just so utterly fantastic.

The one thing that I remember really struggling with during those months was a dream I had one night. The details are completely fuzzy now, but the main part of the dream included me becoming engaged to another guy while Superman was on his mission. I remember I woke up nearly in tears because I did NOT want that dream to ever come to fruition! I wrote a letter to him right away, telling him all about the dream. I told him that there was NO ONE I even had a crush on -- I only wanted him. But I felt guilty for having the dream. (Again with the guilt when I had no reason to feel guilty!) He assured me in his next letter that he didn't think I was cheating on him in anyway -- it was just a dream and not to worry about it.

Superman graduated BASIC and AIT just before Christmas, then came home. Our moms had actually planned a joint Christmas Eve celebration that was really fun. Those few days held a lot of love and joy. (Holy cow I sound like a Hallmark Card. Sheesh.)

Superman's best friend, Steve, was going to be leaving on a mission for our church just after the new year. Steve had been through some ups and downs, but had finally straightened things out a few months before Superman left for BASIC. They knew that between Steve leaving for his mission in January and Superman leaving for his own mission sometime soon after, it would probably be 2.5 years before they'd see one another.

So they spent a lot of time together in those few weeks. I tried to be really understanding about it, but I was kinda jealous that Superman was spending so much time with Steve. I knew that their bond was really deep, but hello?! Didn't he want to spend time with me, too? And wasn't kissing fun? (Hey -- I was only 17.)

During these weeks, Superman also started meeting with his bishop to prepare the papers for his mission. He would turn 19 (mission-eligibilty age) at the end of February and wanted to have things ready by then. We also went out a few times -- we even went to my homecoming.

A couple of days after the homecoming dance, Superman told me that we couldn't date anymore. His bishop had instructed him to start living a missionary lifestyle as much as possible. That meant no dating, among other things.

I was heartbroken. We'd had less than a month after his graduation to be together, and now we couldn't be together?! And those few weeks had been filled with Christmas, relatives, New Year's, his best friend leaving........he couldn't be serious!!!!!!

But he was. We were to cut ties completely. Well, we could still be "friends," but not like before. There would be no physical or romantic aspect to our relationship.

I was seriously devastated. I just felt like our time had been cut WAY too short. I didn't know our last date was going to be our last date. I didn't know our last kiss was going to be our last kiss -- my last kiss for over two years!! I didn't get to savor any of those moments because I didn't know I needed to!! I felt so jipped.

The hardest part of it, though, was losing my friend. Sure, I missed my boyfriend, but I'd been without him physically for so long that it wasn't terribly hard for me to adjust to. But the best friend part? We'd been best friends for a year by that point. We knew a lot about each other. We knew the difficult issues the other dealt with. We knew each other on a soul-level. And suddenly, that was gone, too. Because it was too hard to be that close without the lines blurring.

And as much as I loved him and wanted to be with him, I wanted him to go on his mission more.

So we stopped dating. But our families were still so connected that we saw each other frequently. And Superman wanted to try to maintain our friendship, if possible, so we didn't stop seeing each other completely. My family was present when he opened his mission call at the end of February. He was called to the Gaoxiang, Taiwan mission, and was to report to the Missionary Training Center May 9th.

Those next couple of months were really hard for me. Superman continued to prepare for his mission. He was attending Institute, and trying as best as he could to keep "missionary hours," meaning he was up at 6:30 reading the scriptures, and tried to leave wherever he was by 9:30 each night. He still hung out with a lot of our friends, and I was there more often than not, but it wasn't the same and it was really hard for me. I wanted to continue being best friends with him, and it just wasn't an option. But even if he couldn't be there for me, I wanted to be there for him. I still wanted to take care of him. I wanted to be the one he could talk to about stuff.


Superman has always had the kind of personality that draws people to him. And a lot of time, the people who are most drawn to him need him in some way or another. I didn't want to be just another person who needed him, even though I was; I wanted to be the one he needed. The one he could turn to.

But it just wasn't possible. Not without getting feeling and emotions involved, which is what we were to avoid.

My family was there when he was set apart as an elder, and we were there to bid him farewell at the airport. This was just months before 9/11, so we actually got to see him board the plane and stay at the window till it took off.

And yes, I was a royal mess that day, too. Not only had I said goodbye to the man I loved knowing I wouldn't see him for two years, but things had ended so poorly between us. There was no closure at all. I didn't know where we stood. We had never planned on me "waiting" for him, but I didn't even know how he felt about me anymore. And it's not like I was going to write a letter to a missionary, asking him to clarify his feelings for me. He needed to focus on sharing the gospel, not some dumb girl at home. It just sucked.

But life went on. I went to EFY again and developed a good, healthy crush on a guy. He even drove 3 hours to come to my Homecoming in September. I went out on dates with a few other guys, but nothing serious. I was still completely gone on Superman. He had written me exactly three letters, mostly centered around missionary work and his testimony. I had written him several letters, also about missionary work and generalities of my life. I never talked or asked about "us." About that time, his mission president decided that missionaries could send e-mails, but only to their families. They could received e-mails from whomever, but were only authorized to e-mail family members. They could still write letters to anyone they chose, but not e-mail.

As soon as I heard that, I knew my direct communications with Superman were essentially over. He was never a great letter-writer, and now that he could e-mail, why would he take the time and money to send letters? His angel mother was sweet enough to forward every message she got from him, though. And I e-mailed him. Every now and then he'd tell his mom to say hi to me, or tell me something in particular, but that was about all I ever heard from him.

A year later, I was still in love with Superman. Every other song on the radio made me think of him. Vanessa Carlton's A Thousand Miles, Diamond Rio's One More Day, Five for Fighting's Superman, S Club 7's Never had a dream come true, (remember them/that one?) The Calling's Wherever you will go, Carol King's Far Away (ok, maybe I just had that one on a mix tape) Darryl Worrley's I miss my friend, (that one was a doozy. The first time I heard it when when I saw the video and I lost it. In front of his mom and sisters even.)

Point is, the boy was still on my mind. A LOT. And I was kind of mad about it. I wanted to move on!!! I was graduating high school and headed to BYU-Idaho in the fall. I knew I had a lot of opportunities coming my way (read: single guys) and wanted to be able to date them without being in love with someone else!!! Was that too much to ask?! Sheesh.


Stay tuned for part 4 -- The Other Guy